remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
