It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
