i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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