I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
