i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You are the jesus of drinking
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
