I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
