Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
