my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
