you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
