I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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