Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
