talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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