I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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