Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Never let your siblings swipe right.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
