someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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