If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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