the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
