Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
