The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
