it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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