Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
