someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
