Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
