Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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