Nicole vs. Life
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
