i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
