so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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