Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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