tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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