Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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