I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
