I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
