We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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