you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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