soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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