I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
