yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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