I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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