im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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