I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
