Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
