i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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