As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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