her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
