At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
