i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
