Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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