shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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