How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
