don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
