trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
