I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
