I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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